there is a hole in my chest,a cavernous,empty thing and i sit and wonder "do i have a chance to fill it","do i deserve to fill it","can i fill it",and if it realy comes down to it do want to fill it.I have lived so long with with my being as it is alone but in some way whole but i know that is a lie because i have seen the truth i have felt its touch,it taste,and basked in its warmth and i have felt its sting its cruelties and the pain that it can inflict is worse than any i have encounter before but is knowing that your going to feel these things these "disgusting" emotions these beautiful emotions is it worth it to shut yourself off from them before you even have a chance to enjoy them.What i mean is should you end something before you have a chance to enjoy those light beautiful emotions before they turned at the end into swirling dark tornados of hate and pain,should u?,could u?,would u? just to save yourself the heartbreak and turn urself into stone forever sealed and locked in a state of darkness,emptiness and safety? is it safe to cut urself off from all that can hurt to become emotional invincible but so utterly alone as to wish for the cold clammy embrace of that hooded visitor and would u finally let it all down at the end? or for enternity would u keep urself encased in stone just because u know no other way other than that.-sigh- Well brothers and sisters in this emotional hell i have seen that other side and it is true freedom filled with emotions other than hate and cold calculated anger.on that other side u know longer have to walk around holding up that wall of hardened off hate and pain u can let it go and walk free but that is not my what im trying to tell what im trying to tell is can i? can i go around as i used as a unfeeling uncaring stone or shall instead bare open that which i have spent mi life protecting from pain......My HEART and truly feel the pain of those i see.to this friends i dont know i just dont maybe those few fortunate ones out there can but alas cannot i am stuck in the middle where there is no middle ground for i love the emotionless ness of the wall that i surround mi self and i love the unending feelings of not haveing the wall i am stuck and i fear that i am stuck forever. Friends brothers comrades in darkness take mi advice u must not say u r better not feeling when u have never even tried u must and having seen both sides u must make one of the most important decisions in ur life WHICH SIDE. which side i just dont know. goodnight friends brothers and sisters lovers and especial goodnights to my enemies